From: John Spencer
Sent: 8 October 2000
Subject: The Maggots
The following
letter was written by John for inclusion in Simon Mayo's "Confessions"
radio programme. John asked me to point out that it was written in a style to
suit the programme and that he doesn't talk like this normally. John has
also sent a copy of a press cutting from the Daily Mirror - click
here to see it in a new window
Confessions
Simon Mayo
Radio One FM
London W1N 4DJ
18th April 1991
Dear Simon,
I would like to recount a story which took place in 1970 when I was in the forth
year at school. It was a during a biology lesson which took place in the period
immediately before the lunch break.
From what I can recall the lesson seemed to concern the anatomy of the digestive
tract of maggots and to that end we had spent the previous half hour cutting up
the little creatures. As the bell sounded for the end of the lesson, three of
us, myself, Steven "Piggy" Rowe and another whose name I've forgotten decided
to liberate a number of these poor innocent creatures whose fate would otherwise
have been settled by form 4/H in their lesson immediately after lunch. We secreted
the aforementioned larvae about our persons and after ten minutes could not find
anything useful to do with them.
As I said before it was now dinner time so we strolled into the dining hall to
get something to eat. In those days the school dining facilities comprised of
a main cafeteria / refectory and a smaller area, a kind of tuck shop, selling
amongst other things cheeseburgers. As we filed past in the queue waiting to buy
our crisps and apples we had to pass a heap of burgers. Well it only seemed natural
to open one or two up and clinically insert a few of our new found friends, after
all it must have been their dinner time too.... mustn't it?
The next morning at assembly the headmaster looked none too pleased and after
a lengthy lecture on honesty, truthfulness and the rest, mentioned the fact that
the day before he and his catering staff had been grilled for two hours by a team
of environmental health officers due to maggots being found in certain items of
food. After a thorough inspection of the kitchens proved fruitless and the dumping
in a skip of 250 burger buns and their entire stock of frozen burgers, they came
to the conclusion that the maggots had been placed there by a person or persons
unknown.
It did not take much detective work on their part to find out which class had
been using them shortly before they had turned up in someone's lunch. Fixing form
4/C with a baleful eye he asked whoever was responsible to own up at once adding
that although they would have to face the consequences it would be better than
having to be found out and be shown up to be a snivelling cowardly wretch. Piggy
Roe being a very upright citizen even at fifteen years old, put up his arm. My
other fellow conspirator and I looked at each other and decided, discretion being
the better part of valour to cluck and tut Piggy along with five hundred other
pupils saying what an awful deed he had committed. He was hauled off to the headmasters
office and we did not see him for the rest of the day. My friend and I kept a
pretty low profile expecting Piggy to snitch, but he never did. This really rubbed
salt into our wound as we felt pretty rotten about not owning up in the first
place. The days events made the national
dailies and every time I look at a cutting I kept I am reminded of Piggy Rowe
and that appalling waste of good food. I don't know here he is now but I would
feel happier if this were read out and he was to hear it.
So Simon will you forgive me? I did not turn out the toad you imagine, I just
have a rather strong sense of self preservation.
Yours sincerely
John Spencer
